Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
