she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
