I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
