he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
