I'm lost and stupid without you.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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