this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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