your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
