Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize