good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
