I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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