I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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