Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
