I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
hell yes lets make some ravioli
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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