Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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