I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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