I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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