ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
