The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
