I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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