I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
