Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
