I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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