I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
