so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
