You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
