apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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