I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
