I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
