why didn't you poke me back
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
