Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
