The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You can't motorboat a personality
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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