i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My vagina is officially offended.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
