When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
