had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
