he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
