You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
