i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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