i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
