come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
