it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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