the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
