Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
