Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
