New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
