You just made me feel so damn special
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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