then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Please don't give away my fajitas
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