he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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