Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
