I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im just a social blackout drinker.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
