Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize