Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
