grandma shit on top of the toilet
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
