I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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