Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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