I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
