Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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