I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
try to milk me bitch
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
