I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
