I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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