Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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