it was like his penis was on wheels.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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