Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
