It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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