So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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