I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
